The Apple Tree: A Woman’s Story of Stress and Exhaustion

I was just finishing lunch one summer afternoon when I quickly hurried to my desk, preparing for my next session. As I waited for my patient to arrive, I, like always, hoped for a productive, positive outcome. She finally appeared, looking disheveled and worn. Nonverbal cues are indeed powerful; a simple facial expression can convey a thousand words. Her eyes were watery and sunken as though she hadn’t slept in days. Though she’d shed many tears moments before, she now gazed into the distance, struggling to keep herself composed.

I had only started working with her a few weeks earlier. Her story was complex and marked by significant stress, trauma, and loss. As a single mother caring for her elderly parents, working full-time, in perimenopause, and navigating a painful divorce, it was no wonder her health was now compromised.

I remained silent, meeting her gaze with empathy. For several moments, no words were spoken, nor sounds made. I wanted to give her time to collect her thoughts, hoping she would share what was causing her such grief. Finally, she spoke.

Tears ran down her face. “I feel like an apple tree,” she said, a comparison I hadn’t expected. She continued, “Everyone around me keeps taking and taking, expecting me to keep producing more. But no one waters the tree, prunes the branches, picks the weeds—nothing.” She took several pauses as she cried. “I’m tired of producing apples. I’m just so tired.”

That session felt like an eternity but held an essential lesson for all of us, including myself. She, like so many other women, was facing the increased pressure that often comes with age. Yet, a break is seldom granted, and time rarely stands still. Out of unconditional love, she carries on, caring for those who matter most.

She must find ways to establish healthy boundaries, delegate responsibility, and most importantly, create time for herself. Love is not a one-way street or transactional; it’s a reciprocal exchange of care and affection where both individuals naturally wish to contribute to each other's well-being without specific expectations. However, an imbalance in this delicate relationship can tip the scale enough to cause deep strain.

Like a tree extending countless branches, our love and care for others grow endlessly throughout life. Yet, just as any plant needs water, sunlight, and careful tending, so too does our well-being. Without nurturing, we risk withering. By first caring for ourselves, we allow our spirit to thrive and grow. So, ask yourself: Who takes care of you?

Running a household requires attention to tasks like grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, budgeting, and organizing. Women often feel the pressure to manage these duties seamlessly, even with support. This daily workload can accumulate, leaving little time for rest and creating a feeling of “always being on.”

Social expectations play a significant role in how women perceive themselves and experience stress. The pressure to embody the “perfect” partner, mother, or professional can be overwhelming. These expectations may clash with personal desires, affecting self-worth and identity. Many women also face the challenge of redefining themselves beyond traditional roles, which, while empowering, can also be a source of stress.